Tuesday, August 9, 2011


There is so much to be said about the time I was able to spend in Uganda.  So many great experiences, so many hard experiences, such people of great faith to share about.  There are ministries to write about that are truly changing lives...so many words to share.

But words are hard to find when she is constantly on my mind.

I met her on our first day at Canaan's.  She approached me with arms held up...just the way each of my boys come to me when they just need mommy.  So I scooped her up and she fit perfect right there on my hip.  We spent the day together...she was so shy and timid and rarely smiled that first day.  I spun her around just to see her laugh.  By late afternoon she settled in for a nap on my shoulder, which was so sweet for this mama whose little guys out grew that stage many months ago.  I walked her to her dorm that night and laid her in her bed.  I kissed her head and left the room quite sure that it was just a coincidence that she had found me that day.  Most of the little ones bounced from one person to the next and I figured that sweet Ruth would have a new friend the next day.

Much to my surprise I found her waiting at the bottom of the stairs for me that next day.

Once again she lifted her arms to me and this time she smiled when I swooped her up.  And so it was,  for the rest of our time at Canaan's...me and little miss Ruth, like 2 peas in a pod. 

Yes, I did play with some of the older kiddos but always with Ruth on my hip or holding my hand. 

Sweet Ruth always took at least 1 or 2 naps in my lap each day and would even pretend like she was asleep each night when I walked her to her room so that I would lay her in her bed...pure sweetness!

Each day she allowed herself to open up more and more...even to the point of making silly faces for me!:)
  I will never forget when she saw me during her porridge break at school.  Her big bright eyes just lit up and her smile was the biggest I had seen the whole time I had been with her.  She came running...arms lifted...knowing I would hold her and love her.  By this point it was clear...she was mine and I was hers.  I remember her pushing other kiddos away when they came to hold my other hand...much like the Kolson gets jealous when I hold another baby.  She chose a place away from the crowd for me to sit and then she curled up in my lap and let me blow on her porridge to cool it down.

When we went to leave I noticed that her smiles had disappeared and she was gripping my neck more tightly than before.  I put her down, kissed her, told her that I loved her...that Jesus loved her and I walked away.  It would have been best for me if I had just kept going but there wasn't room on the bus I was trying to get on so I had to turn around.  When I walked back by I saw them...big tears silently rolling down her sweet cheeks.  So I held her again and we both let our tears fall together and I prayed...prayed that God would be near to her broken little heart.  I prayed that God would send more and more teams with people to love on her and her friends.  I prayed that God would make himself known and so real in her life as her father.
On one of the days she colored a picture (never leaving my lap).  We traced her hands and she colored them...I brought that picture home with me and it is now hanging on my refrigerator next to memory verses, and the calendar, and the art work of my sweet little ones.  Each time I see it I am reminded of her smile and her sweet eyes.  I wish that she could be mine.  I wish that she didn't have to know loss and hurt and fear.  I wish I could give her all the things that I think are good.  But I am trusting my God.  He says that He is a father to the fatherless and that He is near the broken hearted...and I am trusting Him to do just that for my sweet Ruth.  I know that all good things come from Him and that He and He alone can give her all that she needs.
So I will pray for little Ruth just like I pray for my boys and I will trust God with her little life!

Love you sweet girl!!


Keri said...

My heart breaks for you and Ruth.
(((HUGS))) and prayers.

curious goods antiques said...
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curious goods antiques said...
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curious goods antiques said...

Tears are falling as I write this. They have been there since I saw Ruth waiting at the bottom of the stairs the second morning in the photo. Waiting for you. My heart is broken for her. I do not know if I could make this trip... God's peace to Ruth this day and always...

Janelle said...

I can certainly understand why you are struggling with the words to describe this. I know that God connected you and Ruth for a reason, and before this trip Uganda held a special place in your heart - he just made it a bit bigger. He is teaching you to trust HIM during this time of missing her and longing for her. He is faithful - to all of us!
Praying for peace for you and Ruth!

Molly said...

love...such a mysterious and wonderful gift. i will share in your prayers for Ruth...such a sweet story