Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Fraud...

It was that night after we had visited M3.  By far the most emotionally taxing day I had experienced.  One hundred seventy-nine young children with 3 caretakers.  All of them in rags, each one starving for food but even more so for love and affection.  I will never forget getting off the bus...if we weren't getting off then they were getting on with us!  Four and five at a time they would latch on as we exited the bus.  They gathered on the porch and we watched their little faces light up as they sang about Jesus.  Not a single person on our team was without tears.

It was that night that we gathered as a team to worship together...to try and somehow process what we had seen and what in world to do with what we had seen.

Music is my thing.  I think in songs.  God speaks to me through songs.  My heart is most joyful when I am singing His songs.   But on this night as I began to sing,  I couldn't help but to think what a fraud I was.

"All of you is more than enough for all of me"...that was the first line we sung.

Suddenly I found myself wondering...is all of God more than enough for me?  Is this song so easy for me to sing because I have God AND so much other stuff?  Would God be more than enough for me if I were living in a prison?

"For every thirst and every need, you satisfy me with your love"...the next line in the song.

My thoughts continued.  How can a girl who lives in the land of plenty, a girl who has never once been thirsty in her whole life sing this song and really mean it?  Would I be satisfied with God just meeting my basic needs.  Would I be able to praise Him if I had only posh and beans EVERY SINGLE DAY?


The next day as we were welcomed at Royal Hope Academy we watched in wonder as the children lead us in worship.  The music was beautiful...there were drums and clapping and even some dancing.  But the part that will stay with me forever is towards the end of the worship service.  Our sweet little worship leaders got so lost in their worship that they were on their on their knees, faces to the ground thanking God for his mercy and for his provision, for his love, and for his son.  I have never in all of my life seen worship this pure and true and just completely real.  All coming from CHILDREN who live in the slums and have NOTHING.

So now here I am, this American girl who has been to Africa, and things just cannot go on like they did before.  I have seen that there is MORE.  There is more of our God to experience.  So many times I miss Him because my prosperity and all of my things get in the way.  No more!  No more do I want to just sing the songs... I want to believe the songs.  I want to believe my God the way I watched the people in Africa believe my God.  I want to trust Him to make my way instead of trying to make it myself.

I have no idea how to do that here...in this land of plenty.  In this place where we pull up our boot straps and just get it done.  I have no idea how to trust him for my every need in a place that has taught me to take care of myself all by myself.  I have no idea.

What I do know is that Psalm 25:4-5 says this..."Show me YOUR ways, O Lord, teach me YOUR paths; guide me in YOUR truth and teach me, for YOU are God my savior and my hope is YOU all day long."

Thank you Uganda...you have forever changed my life.  The richness of your faith has exposed the poverty of mine.  This land may be called the land of plenty but we are completely spiritually malnourished and in need of awakening, may we learn to draw near to the source the way you so beautifully taught us!

3 comments:

Katie said...

I love this post. I don't know what else to write except that I agree with what you said about our experiences here in the US and our "plenty" we have been so blessed with and how bankrupt our country is spiritually, family vaules, etc. I think it changes with one person at a time, one family at a time, one community at a time.

curious goods antiques said...
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Donna Rinn said...

Powerful words, Jenna.

One thing you shared was "I want to trust Him to make my way instead of trying to make it myself." This is a daily control issue for me... turning "it" (whatever IT is at the moment) Over to Him. I forget and take IT back... have to turn it over again.
I DO want to TRUST HIM to make my way. If I will now just stay OUT OF HIS WAY!