Sunday, May 13, 2012

Too Wonderful...

My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
Psalm 131:1

This verse has been speaking to me these past few weeks.  The Lord led me to this verse during a bible study that was talking about not being conceded or prideful.

It was through this verse that I came face to face with this truth...

All my worrying is just another form of PRIDE!

I worry about my husband and my children.  I worry about God's timing.  I worry about when He will bring Kenzi home and how all the details will come together.  I worry about the future.  I worry about what others think.  The list could go on and on.

But who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
Matthew 6:27

Not only does God remind me that my worrying will do nothing for me but the verse in Psalm 131 made it clear to me that all of my worrying was really pride.  You see when I worry and fret over things I am not trusting the Lord.  I am not trusting that He...the one who created the earth, numbered the stars, and spread out the skies can take care of the details of my life.

Certainly these details...the things I get caught up in worrying about are too wonderful for me.  For some reason our human nature finds it so much easier to ponder all the what if''s and the details instead of really focusing in on praying for the issues and praising God for the way He is going to take care of each one of them in His time.

So my new motto when I feel those worries creeping up is to say out loud to myself...

those thoughts are too wonderful for you, Jenna! 

I want to choose to give Him all my what ifs, and how tos, and whys.  I want to stop in the middle of those overwhelming thoughts and consider HIS wonders.   I have unmasked worry and see that it is only selfish pride in disguise.  So this day I am choosing to just take the next step He puts before me and leaving all of those "too wonderful" details up to Him.

Surely the God who commands the mornings, and perscribed the limits for the sea can take care of every detail of my life and yours.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Dear Kenzi,

So many nights I lay awake thinking of you.  Much like I thought about your brothers before each of them were born.  I dreamed of what they would look like and what their personalities would be like.  I dreamed of first smiles and hugs, first books and games, and all the fun we would have together.
Tonight just happens to be one of those nights when I am dreaming about you.  It is early in the morning where you are.  I wonder if you will be an early riser like Karter or will you love your sleep like Koslon.  Will you wake all smiles and raring to go like your daddy or will you need some time to easy into your day like mommy and Kaden?
I want you to know, sweet girl, that you are loved and you are covered in prayers.  This wait to hold you, to see you, to know just exactly who you are has been long but I know that our God is a God completes what He starts.  So we will keep trusting.  We will keep praying and we will keep dreaming of the days when we will hold you...and until that day, I will be praying that He sends someone to hold you and hug you and tell you each day that you are loved and you are special and that you were made for great things.  I pray that even now as mornings dawns that you are not alone.
I know that you becoming part of our family will be one of the greatest blessings in our lives.  But, I also know that you will be becoming a part of our family because of great loss.  I pray that even in these moments our God is binding up your wounds and filling the hurts in your little heart with His love. 
The saying is completely true...You may not have grown in my body, but you have grown in my heart.
Each day in this journey my love for you has grown, much the way my love for your daddy and your brothers has continued to grow each day.

Someday I want to tell you the great "God Stops" along the journey to get to you.

Things like finding an old bulletin from 2006 that I had doodled your name on.   Yes, I said 2006!  Sweet girl, He wove you into my heart long before we even thought about adoption!

Or the weeks this last fall when I was struggling so hard to trust that He would actually bring you the midst of a Beth Moore Bible study on James He led me to the verses at the end of Job where we had chosen you name over a year earlier.

This last week when I was asking Him how to pray for you He used our ladies bible study to lead me to the story of the persistent widow who continued to bring her case before the judge again and again and again.

In this same week during Bible study we studied Psalm 68 where it says "He sets the lonely in families". 

None of these were a part of Bible studies on adoption or really even having anything to do with adoption.  But there in the middle of them God met me and reminded me that He is faithful and that He would be faithful to complete this work.

These are just a few of the "God Stops" along the journey.  Anyone else might say coincidence...but I say no!  These are precious reminders from my God that He has got this.  He has got you sweet girl and when the time is just right He will bring us all together.

You are loved Kenzi girl!  We can't wait to see your little face!