Wednesday, June 22, 2011

30 going on 13....

Can I admit that there are so many days when I still feel like I am 13.

Do you remember that awful age??  Wearing crazy clothes (I am thinking Units JMass and Flo)  just because everyone else was wearing them.  And always, always being concerned about what others thought.

I thought that when I got older, got married, and became a mom I would be done with all of the comparing and worrying about what others thought.  But the truth is....that little jr. high girl is still stuck deep inside of me and she finds her into my thoughts at the most inopportune times.  Can you say welcome totally worn out!!  Let's just say that if I were stranded on a dessert island she would NOT be invited.

Of course she shows up when I am getting dressed or when I am looking in the mirror at these baby bearing hips.  She barges in when I am around others begging me to answer the question..."what do they think of you"?  She is quite pessimistic if I must say so...she is quick to remind me of my failures and has a constant undertone of "you'll never measure up"!

There are many  moments when I am able to over come and somehow silence her little voice.  But there is one area that I have allowed her to speak freely and boy has she wrecked some havoc!

What is that area you ask?


For far too long I have allowed her to berate me reminding of things like...

  • you let your kids eat way too much McDonald's
  • sprite again really?
  • are you teaching them enough scripture?
  • so and so's child is so well behaved...what happened to your kids?
  • so and so's child is reading on a 3rd grade level...what have you taught your kids?
  • another tantrum...can't you get some control?
and on and on she goes...she is so mean, don't ya think?

Recently I read this quote and was stuck in my tracks immediately...

"Always thinking negatively about yourself is STILL ALWAYS THINKING OF YOURSELF!!

Would you believe that this 13 year old girl inside of me is just another form of pride...another way to distract me from the promises of God.  I am pretty sure Satan really likes my 13 year old alter identity.  If she can convince me to always think about the ways I am not measuring up than surely I won't have time to reflect on verses like...

"We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared before hand, that we should walk in Him."  Eph. 2:10

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3 (He has given me all that I need to live a life that pleases Him...why am I always so busy trying to figure it all out instead of just spending time with Him and allowing Him to direct my paths?)

This morning I was so thankful to read this blog that talked about the perfect mom vs. the balanced mom!
It is so worth taking a little time to read it and be encouraged!

Inspired to Action is a great blog to encourage and inspire moms to action...her post today touch my heart deeply!

While I believe that the Lord wants me to work hard and to work as unto Him I also believe that He wants me to rest in His grace, mercy, His sufficiency instead of my own. 

I think it is high time to kick my 13 year old self to the curb and start living confident in the woman and mother God made me to be....what about you, need to say so long to your alter ego??


April said...

Wow, that quote stopped me in my tracks. Thank you for sharing.

Laurie said...

Wow...that hit close to home...I must get control of mine...she is wreaking havoc and controlling my life right now...I am the most insecure low self esteemed person I know...haha. Thank you Jenna...the words of encouragement really were needed...=)

Stacy said...

thank you! Love all of this...I need a lot more posts like these! I'm stealing the quote - wow, never thought of it like that!