Thursday, August 19, 2010

Wrestling Moves

So my boys have some great wrestling moves! All three of them are 100% boy so it is no wonder I find them in positions like this all the time...

And on any given night around bed time in the Lorick house you might find ALL of the boys in my house wrestling on the floor in Kaden and Karter's room. It is one of my favorite sights to take in. Daddy and his boys being just that...boys. I hope it is something the boys will remember always.

But lately I have been doing some wrestling of my own. However, mine has not been near as fun! I have not been wrestling with any particular enemy but rather with one that is relentless and always with anxious thoughts.

I have wrestled to the point of tears and even a breakdown that led to me showing up at a friends doorstep in a total wreck (thanks Kathryn:). I have listened to opinion after opinion and I have even listened to the voice of wisdom coming from many who are far more wise than I. But in the end it has come down to a simple prayer...

Lord, you say that word will be a light unto our feet and a lamp unto our path so I am praying that your word, not my thoughts, opinion, others opinions, or even my desires, just your word will be what lights my path.

That same day the Lord led me to Psalm 13 where I found verses like 2 "How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart?" Of course that one led me to more tears as I realized that God already knew. He knew the battle that was going on in my mind as I wrestled with my anxious thougts. Verse 3 says "Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes or I will sleep in death." While this was not a life or death decision I was starting to become very overwhelmed my the decision and all my crazy thoughts. How comforting it was to just let scripture speak I didn't even have to say anything.

But...the best part of all came at the end of the chapter..."But I trust in your unfailing love: my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me."

After a summer of studying Ruth and reading verses like this I am so aware of God's love for His people, for me. His love is truly unfailing. He is FOR me. He is FOR you.

While this has been such a challenging and uncomfortable last few months as God has been opening my eyes to what is important to Him and showing the things that need to leave my life it has also been one of the sweetest times. Most days I feel like there is a whirlwind swarming all around me as I am trying to seek and do His will but in the midst of that whirlwind I am also seeing, maybe for the first time, how much He loves me.

I am praying that if you are wrestling with anything that you will take the chance to look up and to just see how much He loves you. How He has been working from the beginning of time, piece by piece, person by person to bring a savior into this world for you. Take a moment to stand in awe and rest in His love!

1 comment:

blarson2526 said...

Thank you Jenna for your openness on your blog. I love hearing how God is working in your life and seeing your family fun!