The New Girl

It has been 5 years since I have been "the new girl".  5 years is long enough to get really comfy with life and friends and routines.  Not only that, I have also been "the preacher's wife" for more that 8 years.  For so long I have had this role...this place where I automatically belonged.  When you are the preacher's wife everyone knows you and you know everyone.  Everyone knows your kiddos and many of them spoil those kiddos rotten! :)  There is an automatic place of ministry for you right next to your husband.

 I was still "the new girl" when we moved to Malakoff over 5 years ago but I was also the preacher's wife which somehow made it not so scary.

But this time...I am just the new girl.  I have no role to hide behind and no automatic place where I fit.

Suddenly visiting church feels like I am 13 again and it is my first day at a new jr. high.

What should I wear?

Will they like me?

What do I say?

The difference between my 13 year old self and my 31 year old self...that 13 year old didn't have a choice.  I had to go to school.  I had to face being the new girl.  At 31 I have a choice.  I don't have to go.

This morning I almost made the choice not to go.


The church we have been visiting has a weekly mom's group that meets for bible study.  I had been so excited about going and meeting some other moms.  I was excited right up until the moment it was time to get ready to go and those 13 year old fears crept back in.  Because well, let's just be honest, mom's can sometimes be the most judgemental people on the planet...which is so sad because we are all on the same team...trying desperately to raise kiddos who love the Lord without some how destroying them in the process (but that is a whole other post).

I remembered my post from yesterday.  I remembered God's reminder that He redeemed me for more than just sitting on the sidelines.  And against everything in my flesh I got up, faced my fears, and went to moms group.

Would you believe that I got there and the topic of discussion for the day was adoption?  He really is the God who sees.  He is so faithful to remind me that He is here and walking this new road with me. Not to mention the fact that the other moms were precious and not the least bit judgemental!

I know that my struggles as the new girl are so minor in the big scheme of things but struggle is struggle and a victory is a victory no matter how big or small.  So I am celebrating my victory over my 13 year old fears.  And rejoicing  that I won't be "the new girl" forever.