Finding our way...

Slowly but surely we are finding our way here in the big city!

These two big guys are loving 2nd grade and Pre-school...

And these little sweeties are becoming fast friends!

We are finding more time for art projects and time with new friends at the park.
I believe God had so much to teach us on this new adventure! I pray that we will bring Him honor as we seek to follow Him!

The New Girl

It has been 5 years since I have been "the new girl".  5 years is long enough to get really comfy with life and friends and routines.  Not only that, I have also been "the preacher's wife" for more that 8 years.  For so long I have had this role...this place where I automatically belonged.  When you are the preacher's wife everyone knows you and you know everyone.  Everyone knows your kiddos and many of them spoil those kiddos rotten! :)  There is an automatic place of ministry for you right next to your husband.

 I was still "the new girl" when we moved to Malakoff over 5 years ago but I was also the preacher's wife which somehow made it not so scary.

But this time...I am just the new girl.  I have no role to hide behind and no automatic place where I fit.

Suddenly visiting church feels like I am 13 again and it is my first day at a new jr. high.

What should I wear?

Will they like me?

What do I say?

The difference between my 13 year old self and my 31 year old self...that 13 year old didn't have a choice.  I had to go to school.  I had to face being the new girl.  At 31 I have a choice.  I don't have to go.

This morning I almost made the choice not to go.


The church we have been visiting has a weekly mom's group that meets for bible study.  I had been so excited about going and meeting some other moms.  I was excited right up until the moment it was time to get ready to go and those 13 year old fears crept back in.  Because well, let's just be honest, mom's can sometimes be the most judgemental people on the planet...which is so sad because we are all on the same team...trying desperately to raise kiddos who love the Lord without some how destroying them in the process (but that is a whole other post).

I remembered my post from yesterday.  I remembered God's reminder that He redeemed me for more than just sitting on the sidelines.  And against everything in my flesh I got up, faced my fears, and went to moms group.

Would you believe that I got there and the topic of discussion for the day was adoption?  He really is the God who sees.  He is so faithful to remind me that He is here and walking this new road with me. Not to mention the fact that the other moms were precious and not the least bit judgemental!

I know that my struggles as the new girl are so minor in the big scheme of things but struggle is struggle and a victory is a victory no matter how big or small.  So I am celebrating my victory over my 13 year old fears.  And rejoicing  that I won't be "the new girl" forever.  

Different

I knew it would come.

We came home to the busiest time of year.  Our house became a revolving door to precious friends and family.  There was traveling to do...people to share our newest miracle with.  The celebration of our Savior's birth.  The ringing in of a New Year.  It was a month and a half full of fun, celebrating, and complete craziness...the good kind.

But that is over now and I am here with all this newness...this differentness.

New house, new job, new city, new baby, new church, new schools and the list goes on.

Newness is good.

 I am so thankful for newness.

 I am thankful for mercies that are new every morning and the promise that He is continually making me new.  I am thankful that He gives me a new start each day, each week, each month.

But if I am honest there are parts of me that miss familiar.  And sometimes that missing takes over and I just want to crawl in the bed and pull the covers over my head.  Because finding a new normal is hard and some days I don't even want a new normal.  Because becoming a new creature takes work and involves growing pains.

It would be easy to stay in this place.  Bound in my struggles and my fear of the new.  It would be easy to get wrapped up in my own little life and to just survive each day as it comes.  I could live this new life always comparing it to my old familiar life, always looking for ways that this new life doesn't measure up.  In all honesty I have lived several days like this...it really isn't any fun.

But God...

those are precious words!!

But God in his  sovereignty  used Big Daddy Weave's song "I Am Redeemed" to remind me that I am in fact redeemed.  I AM a new creation and I have been set free.  It is time to shake off these heavy chains.  I am not who I used to be because thankfully He is not finished with me yet.

I may not be able to see exactly what my purpose is here just yet, and I may not have this whole 4 kids thing down to an exact science yet but He has a plan and I want to be a part of it not just from the sidelines.

So today, I am pulling back the covers (even though my flesh would really just rather stay in that warm, comfortable place).  I choose to live in His freedom and to find the wonders in this different newness that is my new life.