Thursday, September 9, 2010

Insurmountable...

That is how this journey feels...insurmountable.

We are parents to 3 young and very active little boys.
I am a stay at home mom.
We live on a single income.
My husband is a pastor and we are very involved in our church.
Our house is running out of space.
We are so busy.
There is no way we can raise the $25-$30,000 we will need.
We want to do a CD to help raise funds...when do we find the time, or the money to do a CD.
Most days I have trouble keeping the three children we have out of trouble.

These are just a few of the reasons this journey seems insurmountable...impossible even.
These are just a few of the reasons that I wanted to just give up yesterday. To just tell God that this is too hard, that there must be someone else with more time, more money, more patience, more love.

So yesterday I feel at His feet, pouring out my heart. Confessing my unbelief and fear. Explaining to Him how this is just not possible, at least not for now. I imagine He probably laughed a little at me trying to explain to the God of the universe what things could and could not work!

But then I felt it.

In spite of my unbelief, my fear, and my worry He gently reached down and quieted me with His love. Reminding me that YES, He is the God of miracles. That YES, He is the God that parted the Red Sea, the God who gave Issac to Abraham and Sarah when it seemed time had run out. I do not believe in coincidences. I believe that I am reading through Deuteronomy where Moses reminds the new generation to remember God's mighty works for a reason. I believe that moneysavingmom.com chose to write about orphans on that day for a reason. I believe that it was not by chance that I clicked on a blog I had never clicked on before and read these words...

We had mountains of fear and so many questions.
At times the process seemed insurmountable
We were the very busy parents of three boys, we own a business,
we had roles in our church, our school district, our community.
We had taken my Mom in who had a terrible accident and she lived with us for nearly 8 months.
Really it seemed there were just too many things going on all around us to
even consider adopting.
ENTER GOD.

There is so much more to the story of hurdles and roadblocks that happen in adoption.
I am asked daily why it is not easier to adopt and now I have a clarity that I lacked two years ago...
My answer to that question now is this...
Perhaps the process of adoption is challenging in order to challenge us.
Do we have a faith that is giant enough to see us through.
Will we turn and run the other direction when the situation is not going as we
have planned? Will we trust, pray and share our thoughts and fears with others?
Will we develop a community within the adoption world who will help squelch our fears with their own stories?
You see God not only wanted us to bring home a little one who needed a family from Ethiopia but
HE wanted to change and rearrange our hearts. That was the grand plan!
So even the BLURRY days were days of purpose.

I tell you all this to encourage you to keep pressing forward.
Adoption is not a simple task but it is not meant to be.
Wear a smile each day knowing that if adoption has chosen you well you are richly blessed and
should be pinching yourself with anticipation and excitement. For you have so much ahead that God wants you to experience. You are chosen and we are chosen.
After all we were adopted into God's kingdom.
Enjoy the moments and remember that clarity might just come later in the
calling.


I love that God is so patient with me and that again and again and again He reminds me that it is He who has started this good work in our family and that it is He who will bring it to completion.

I am so thankful for the encouragement He sends me along the way. Just this week my sweet friend Kay wrote a whole blog about miracles where she used Psalm 77:15. Believe it or not as soon as I finished reading that post I opened a book from about a year ago and what falls out??? A note written in my own handwriting with Psalm 77:11-15 on it! This may not mean much to you, but for me it was God whispering to me once again.

So the theme verses for this adoption will be...

Psalm 77:11-15!

I already have it hanging on the frig as a constant reminder!

Please continue to pray for us and thank you so much for your encouragement!

4 comments:

Flo said...

I had no doubt God will be so expressive in this journey of yours! I can't wait to see the ways he decides to calm your anxieties....Lord knows He has to be super creative to talk to me sometimes!

PS. I'm ready and waiting to buy and market your CD's for you!!! You know I have a crew at Eustace who wants 'em!

Nana's Nuggets said...

Hi! Jenna, thank you for the sweet comment, I just know that God will work this out; He has you so in the Palm of His Hand, and he knows this deep anxiety that you are having about all the "what ifs", this is just a part of our Human nature to question of what God is doing. And Satan is Loving this! Do not let him have a foot hold! Write those scriptures on bright cards and place them where you can run to them! Refrig! looks colorful! I have got you all on my personal prayer list! Praying Always and I am so Blessed by sharing what The Lord Spoke thru that blog!! Let's Praise Him together:) In Jesus Name!

Claire said...

TEARS, Jenna! We are praying for you!

Captured Keepsakes said...

If you end up doing a CD, I'll donate our photography sevices for the CD cover artwork...